HAPPY TGIF MY LOVELY CREATURES!!
Have I got a treat for you, today?
Christopher and Laura Cooper have decided to share a special deleted scene from
“SHADES OF SHAME”!!
Check it out!!
I can’t believe they deleted this from the book! Thank God they released it for us to enjoy anyway!
THANKS CHRIS AND LAURA!!
Let me get your luggage,” he opened the door and walked around to her side of the SUV. She was gathering her purse when he opened the door for her. His charming manners caused her to giggle. “What’s so funny?” he asked standing beside the car waiting for her to get out.
“Oh nothing, I’m just not used to being with the nice guy, that’s all,” she grinned up at him.
“Well, get used to it sweetheart, because if my Grandmama saw me not opening a door for a lady she’d haunt me in my sleep.”
Leila climbed from the car as Logan shut the door. He then went to get her luggage from the back, “Logan, just leave it for now,” she muttered. The reality of what she needed to talk to him about hit home like a boulder.
“What? No, let’s get it all inside.”
Logan led her to the front door of his carriage house. It was constructed of red brick like most of the homes in Washington had been, but intricately carved details around the eaves, doors and windows showed that an attempt was made to match it to the main house at some point in time. Leila loved these old homes; so much character and history. As she stepped inside she knew that this was Logan’s home. It wasn’t large, but the entire main floor was open with huge natural wood beams that ran the length of the building. The walls were a mixture of sheet rock and brick, and the furniture was all leather and heavy. This was a home for man of great stature, Leila thought. His couch was over sized for a sofa, and she smiled as her eyes scanned his belongings; neatness wasn’t one of his better traits she noticed. A long heavy farm style table was littered with empty pizza boxes, books, and papers. Logan dropped her bags on the table and the manila envelope and her book fell out.
“Sorry,” Logan said, reaching for the items.
Leila quickly cut him off as she retrieved the book and envelope from the table. The gravity of the situation hit home like a ton of bricks.
“What is all that?” Logan asked.
Her hands held the turning point of their young relationship. If she shared it with him now, he may never forgive her. If she didn’t tell him and he found out from someone else, he definitely would never want to see her again. It was do or die time, she thought. “It’s just some stuff from work,” she said as she held up the envelope. She clutched the book in her arms and motioned it towards him. “This is my diary. Stupid little girl stuff, right?”
“I don’t think anything you do is stupid, Leila. Besides, I’m just so glad you’re here. Lemme show you the rest of the dog house.”
“Logan, this is beautiful!” she exclaimed as she wandered through the room with him holding her hand. Any conversation that wasn’t about her past transgressions was a blessing to Leila as she dutifully complimented his impeccable taste.
“I tried to straighten up a bit when you texted that you were coming,” he said awkwardly.
“Really?” Leila laughed.
Logan grabbed her and pulled her to him, “So I’m a slob now? Hmmm… well you can re-decorate it any way you want, my dear.” He kissed her sensually in the middle of his living room.
When she pulled away awkwardly he sensed something was wrong, “You didn’t come here to check out my living conditions, did you?” Logan felt a wave of heaviness come over him. Leila had tears starting in the corners of her eyes.
She shook her head sadly, “Can we sit and talk for a while?”
“Ugh! Please tell me why it is that the minute I find the woman of my dreams there’s something wrong? Isn’t there ever a love story that doesn’t have a ton of drama? Why can’t people just be in love and that’s all there is? Alright, come on and tell me what’s bothering you. I got a hundred bucks that says it’s my Dad,” he pulled her by the hand to his massive sofa.
Leila sat down and found herself sliding deeply into the plush cushions. Logan sat next to her and took her hand, “Come on Leila, spill it. Then we’ll figure out how to deal with it.”
She sat quietly fiddling with the polish on her nails; there was no easy way to say this. “I need you to understand that I never meant for this to happen.”
“What? Did I do something wrong?”
“What? No! It’s not you, Logan. It’s me.”
“So you’re here to break it off?”
Leila hung her head. Even now he’s trying to take full responsibility for her mistakes, even though he doesn’t know what they are. “I’m not here to break up with you, Logan. I’m here…”
Her pause made Logan feel his heart was in his throat. “C’mon Leila. What is it?”
“I’m here to beg your forgiveness.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!” Logan exclaimed.
“You don’t understand, Logan. I never meant for this to happen.”
Logan’s frustration was wearing away at his patience, and his emotions were clearly written on his face. Confusion, love, frustration, lust; they were all there. Leila’s blood seemed to turn to ice. “Logan, I was seeing someone when we first started dating, and…”
“And what?” Logan asked impatiently.
“I broke it off, but I wanted you to hear it from me. Not someone else.”
He smiled vaguely, “Leila why would someone want to cause trouble for us?”
She nodded her head slightly, “technically it isn’t you they would try to hurt, it’s me. I’m afraid I’ve made a few enemies in Washington in my short time there.”
Logan sat back against the cushion of the couch and grabbed a note card off the end table. He held it up for her to see. “Is that what this is about?”
Leila’s heart sank deep into her chest. She took the card from Logan’s hand and looked at him. “I’m so sorry, Logan.”
“Sorry for what? And who is Lindsay Smith? The card says for me to call someone named Lindsay Smith.”
“Not yet. I don’t know who she is.” A glimmer of hope shot through her chest as she folded the card and stuck it in her book. Still, she knew she had to tell him. “Listen Leila, I don’t care who you dated before. Honestly I’m surprised you didn’t have an entourage. You are so beautiful Leila. All I care about is that you’re mine and we’re together now. We are together now, right?”
“I’m completely yours, Logan. Completely. But I think you should know who…”
Logan cut her off, not wanting to hear anything else. “It doesn’t matter who it was. You’re mine now. Their loss.”
This was it. This was the moment she had to come clean. She had to lay it all out there for him, or their entire relationship would be built on a lie. “Logan, stop! Listen to me, it’s important. I had an affair with a married man. A man of power, a man of means. It was your father Logan.” She watched the color wash out of his face as he sank into the cushions even further. It was the moment that realization, fear, and anger all came crashing down on top of him. He was a strong man, but this was enough to just crush anyone. She watched him search for words, but nothing. The silence was deafening.
Logan’s eyes narrowed as he raised his hand to his forehead. “Why my dad? Did you not see he’s just the typical Washington scum bag that uses his position to cheat on my mother? He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about anyone. He just uses people and throws them away. That’s what he does.”
“It wasn’t like that, Logan.”
“I don’t wanna hear anymore,” he said as he began to stand up.
Leila grabbed his arm, compelling him to stay on the couch with her. “Let me explain. It wasn’t him using me, I was using him.”
“What? That’s just stupid,” Logan’s anger clearly visible now. “Are you telling me you’re just like every other stupid girl who thought sleeping with the Senator was enough to make him run away with a hot young intern?”
“This is hard for me to say, Logan. Please hear me out.” Logan forced his way off the couch with her. This was her time to explain it all, and hope and pray that he listened with an open mind.
“Why would you tell me any of this?”
“Because you mean the world to me, I never cared about anyone before. I love you so much that I’d rather be honest now and risk losing you than start on a lie. It’s unusual for me to be anything other than the total bitch I am, but that’s the truth.”
“I dunno,” Logan said, trying to shake the image of her with his Dad from his mind.
“I never felt love before.” Leila’s eyes darted to the side, staring down at the ornately carved leg of the Chesterfield ottoman that sat in front of the couch. “I came to Washington with one thing in mind… to get ahead. Ambition was my only goal. I grew up never knowing anything at all about emotion. My mother thinks that emotions are for bumbling characters in books or on television. You do what you’re told and if you’re smart you find a way to succeed. If I wasn’t climbing the ladder to success then I was a disappointment to my mother and myself.”
Logan stared at the floor beneath his feet, “I guess you weren’t too particular who you stepped over as you climbed?”
Leila shook her head slowly, he was getting the picture now, “I didn’t care, as long as I got what I wanted. Maybe it was a grade, maybe a job, and sometimes it was just the raw nasty release of sex. Maybe I felt like I needed to be punished for being such a failure, the pain felt good to me, it made me feel alive.”
“But my dad? Really?”
“A U.S. Senator would be a tremendous help with my political aspirations. But once I met you, all my thoughts got, I dunno, confusing.”
“I confused you? Let me get this straight, between me and my Dad, I am the one who confused you?” Logan’s sarcasm was hard to miss.
“I never felt this feeling, ever. Not once in my life did anyone want to just be with me. It was always what they could get from me. Look, I’m embarrassed and completely understand if you never want to see me again.”
“Never want to see you? What?”
“You couldn’t possibly want to be with me now.”
“Leila, I love you. I can’t describe the feelings I have when I think about you, when I’m with you. It’s something I never felt before either.
“Logan, I had a BDSM relationship with your Dad.” Her head hung low in shame.
His eyes were flashing warning signs. “When exactly did you have time for an affair? We’ve only been together a few weeks?”
Leila shook her head strongly, “No it started before… and then during. I ended it.” She really didn’t have words for this. “Before um… I met you; I was into some serious domination stuff. It always filled the emptiness in my soul. Your Dad is into it big time… we sort of fell together I guess. I thought if I screwed him that I’d get where I needed to get faster. Screwing my way to the top so to speak, only in this case it was more like whipping my way to the top.”
“Oh God Leila,” Logan sat back down on the sofa, a sizable way from her this time she noticed with impending gloom.
“Look Logan, I’m going to tell you how it is. This was the only thing I knew, I’d never experienced anything remotely like love before I met you. All I had was this body, my looks and a giant Logan sized void in my heart. The Dom stuff filled that void temporarily, made me forget the pain of being unloved. My mother flat out told me that she never even wanted me, my father was dead, and I had no one my entire life. I hate to admit it, but I learned to use what I had on hand to get me places. Even when I met you it took me a long time to understand what I was feeling. No one had shown me love before, not one single person in my entire life.” Leila’s tears streamed down her face, she bent over and wiped them on the hem of her shirt noisily.
“And for some irrational reason you thought you’d find love with my father? I could’ve told you that was a waste of time,” he muttered.
“No, but if I was going to make anything out of myself I had to wear short skirts, flash some legs and boobs, and do what I had to do. Nothing in my plans included love… or you.”
“What about now, Leila? Do they include me now?” Logan’s anger was seeping from every pore. Leila couldn’t blame him for being furious, but what? Was there a chance he still wanted her?
She shook her head with a hint of hope in her eyes, “Logan, if you’ll still have me then, I promise you that my plans will no longer include anyone but you.” It was a shot in the dark, but she needed him to know that she still wanted him. She wanted him more than she’d ever wanted anything. Leila slid off the sofa onto the floor in front of him. She was on her knees between his thighs. Pulling his hands away from his face she looked into his eyes, “Logan, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you when it all started, and I was doing the only thing I knew how to do. I’m begging you Logan, please forgive me? Please tell me that we can get past this?”
Logan’s eyes stared into her crystal blue orbs; he could tell she was shaken to her core. It must have been the hardest thing she’d ever had to do to tell him this. Rationally he knew that it was an incredible sign of respect that she’d even told him at all. Most of the girls he knew would’ve lied, broken up with him, or just not told him at all. Then one day someone would come along and say ‘Hey dude, I fucked your girlfriend.’ No, Leila had taken the bull by the horns and had come out with it, as nasty as it was. “Did you fuck him Leila?”
Again her head searched the floor below them; she was still on her knees, “Once, and yes he wore a condom.”
Logan nodded miserably, “Leila, I wasn’t kidding when I said that I love you. I want to marry you one day, have blonde babies that look just like you. But this is pretty earth shattering news; can we just try not to talk about it? Maybe see if I can get the image out of my mind? Right now I feel like throwing up. This makes me physically ill.”
She took his hands in hers and examined them finger by finger, “I’ll do anything you want if you say you there’s even a prayer in heaven that you’ll forgive me.” She studied his eyes for a glimmer of hope.
He leaned down and pulled her into his lap holding her close to his chest, “I bought you a boat.”
Leila tilted her face to look at him, she didn’t understand. “What?”
“I bought you a boat. It was what my Dad gave my Mom as an engagement present. I wanted to give you one. I know you don’t sail, but I thought I could teach you,” Logan mulled. There was so little either of them could say right now that would make any difference in the way they felt.
“Most people give rings, but a boat is a nice sentiment too, I guess…” Leila smiled through the streams of tears still rolling down her face. It was the glimmer of hope she needed. He pecked her lightly on the lips and put his head on her shoulder and cried.
She wiped the tears from his face, astounded at how much each tear ripped a part of her soul from her body. “Logan, I love you,” she whispered kissing his face and neck.
Her kisses roused him; finally he raised his face and met her eyes in deadlock, “this is so messed up Leila. I can fix this, I think… no I know I can. Come on, let’s go upstairs and wash his filthy hands off of you. Let me help you?”
Streaks of tears ran down Leila’s face, “please Logan.” She was begging him to take her, punish her for what she’d done, make it hurt. He could see it in her eyes, she needed it. Logan knew without a doubt that he could turn this around. If she could trust him he would show her. Prove to her once and for all that she deserved his love. His kind of love didn’t require pain. Fuck his Dad, that bastard wouldn’t know love if he tripped over it. How dare he hurt the woman he loved like this! Now Logan had to show her what giving yourself to a man who was in love with you was all about. It would be easy to teach her love; Logan had so much of it for her. He couldn’t deny he was interested in being taught what she enjoyed too. That whips and chains stuff she said she was into…maybe even that wickedness could be done with love?
Whatever she needed he was willing to do. “Come on Leila, I want his scum eating germs off you right now!” He pulled her from her knees and up the rustic stairwell into his bathroom.