HAPPY TGIF MY LOVELY CREATURES!!
Have I got a treat for you, today?
Christopher and Laura Cooper have decided to share a
special deleted scene from
“SHADES OF SHAME”!!
Check it out!!
I can’t believe they deleted this from the book! Thank
God they released it for us to enjoy anyway!
THANKS CHRIS AND LAURA!!
Let me get your luggage,” he opened the door
and walked around to her side of the SUV.
She was gathering her purse when he opened the door for her. His charming manners caused her to
giggle. “What’s so funny?” he asked
standing beside the car waiting for her to get out.
“Oh nothing, I’m just not used to being with
the nice guy, that’s all,” she grinned up at him.
“Well, get used to it sweetheart, because if my
Grandmama saw me not opening a door for a lady she’d haunt me in my sleep.”
Leila climbed from the car as Logan shut the
door. He then went to get her luggage
from the back, “Logan, just leave it for now,” she muttered. The reality of what she needed to talk to him
about hit home like a boulder.
“What?
No, let’s get it all inside.”
Logan led her to the front door of his carriage
house. It was constructed of red brick
like most of the homes in Washington had been, but intricately carved details
around the eaves, doors and windows showed that an attempt was made to match it
to the main house at some point in time.
Leila loved these old homes; so much character and history. As she stepped inside she knew that this was
Logan’s home. It wasn’t large, but the
entire main floor was open with huge natural wood beams that ran the length of
the building. The walls were a mixture
of sheet rock and brick, and the furniture was all leather and heavy. This was a home for man of great stature,
Leila thought. His couch was over sized
for a sofa, and she smiled as her eyes scanned his belongings; neatness wasn’t
one of his better traits she noticed. A
long heavy farm style table was littered with empty pizza boxes, books, and
papers. Logan dropped her bags on the
table and the manila envelope and her book fell out.
“Sorry,” Logan said, reaching for the items.
Leila quickly cut him off as she retrieved the
book and envelope from the table. The
gravity of the situation hit home like a ton of bricks.
“What is all that?” Logan asked.
Her hands held the turning point of their young
relationship. If she shared it with him
now, he may never forgive her. If she
didn’t tell him and he found out from someone else, he definitely would never
want to see her again. It was do or die
time, she thought. “It’s just some stuff
from work,” she said as she held up the envelope. She clutched the book in her arms and
motioned it towards him. “This is my
diary. Stupid little girl stuff, right?”
“I don’t think anything you do is stupid,
Leila. Besides, I’m just so glad you’re
here. Lemme show you the rest of the dog
house.”
“Logan, this is beautiful!” she exclaimed as
she wandered through the room with him holding her hand. Any conversation that wasn’t about her past
transgressions was a blessing to Leila as she dutifully complimented his
impeccable taste.
“I tried to straighten up a bit when you texted
that you were coming,” he said awkwardly.
“Really?” Leila laughed.
Logan grabbed her and pulled her to him, “So
I’m a slob now? Hmmm… well you can
re-decorate it any way you want, my dear.” He kissed her sensually in the
middle of his living room.
When she pulled away awkwardly he sensed
something was wrong, “You didn’t come here to check out my living conditions,
did you?” Logan felt a wave of heaviness
come over him. Leila had tears starting
in the corners of her eyes.
She shook her head sadly, “Can we sit and talk
for a while?”
“Ugh!
Please tell me why it is that the minute I find the woman of my dreams
there’s something wrong? Isn’t there
ever a love story that doesn’t have a ton of drama? Why can’t people just be in love and that’s
all there is? Alright, come on and tell
me what’s bothering you. I got a hundred
bucks that says it’s my Dad,” he pulled her by the hand to his massive sofa.
Leila sat down and found herself sliding deeply
into the plush cushions. Logan sat next
to her and took her hand, “Come on Leila, spill it. Then we’ll figure out how to deal with it.”
She sat quietly fiddling with the polish on her
nails; there was no easy way to say this.
“I need you to understand that I never meant for this to happen.”
“What?
Did I do something wrong?”
“What?
No! It’s not you, Logan. It’s me.”
“So you’re here to break it off?”
Leila hung her head. Even now he’s trying to take full
responsibility for her mistakes, even though he doesn’t know what they
are. “I’m not here to break up with you,
Logan. I’m here…”
Her pause made Logan feel his heart was in his
throat. “C’mon Leila. What is it?”
“I’m here to beg your forgiveness.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!”
Logan exclaimed.
“You don’t understand, Logan. I never meant for this to happen.”
Logan’s frustration was wearing away at his
patience, and his emotions were clearly written on his face. Confusion, love, frustration, lust; they were
all there. Leila’s blood seemed to turn
to ice. “Logan, I was seeing someone
when we first started dating, and…”
“And what?” Logan asked impatiently.
“I broke it off, but I wanted you to hear it
from me. Not someone else.”
He smiled vaguely, “Leila why would someone
want to cause trouble for us?”
She nodded her head slightly, “technically it
isn’t you they would try to hurt, it’s me.
I’m afraid I’ve made a few enemies in Washington in my short time
there.”
Logan sat back against the cushion of the couch
and grabbed a note card off the end table.
He held it up for her to see. “Is
that what this is about?”
Leila’s heart sank deep into her chest. She took the card from Logan’s hand and
looked at him. “I’m so sorry, Logan.”
“Sorry for what? And who is Lindsay Smith? The card says for me to call someone named
Lindsay Smith.”
“Did you?”
“Not yet.
I don’t know who she is.” A
glimmer of hope shot through her chest as she folded the card and stuck it in
her book. Still, she knew she had to
tell him. “Listen Leila, I don’t care
who you dated before. Honestly I’m
surprised you didn’t have an entourage.
You are so beautiful Leila. All I
care about is that you’re mine and we’re together now. We are together now, right?”
“I’m completely yours, Logan. Completely.
But I think you should know who…”
Logan cut her off, not wanting to hear anything
else. “It doesn’t matter who it
was. You’re mine now. Their loss.”
This was it.
This was the moment she had to come clean. She had to lay it all out there for him, or
their entire relationship would be built on a lie. “Logan, stop!
Listen to me, it’s important. I
had an affair with a married man. A man
of power, a man of means. It was your
father Logan.” She watched the color wash
out of his face as he sank into the cushions even further. It was the moment that realization, fear, and
anger all came crashing down on top of him.
He was a strong man, but this was enough to just crush anyone. She watched him search for words, but
nothing. The silence was deafening.
Logan’s eyes narrowed as he raised his hand to
his forehead. “Why my dad? Did you not see he’s just the typical
Washington scum bag that uses his position to cheat on my mother? He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about anyone. He just uses people and throws them
away. That’s what he does.”
“It wasn’t like that, Logan.”
“I don’t wanna hear anymore,” he said as he
began to stand up.
Leila grabbed his arm, compelling him to stay
on the couch with her. “Let me
explain. It wasn’t him using me, I was
using him.”
“What?
That’s just stupid,” Logan’s anger clearly visible now. “Are you telling me you’re just like every
other stupid girl who thought sleeping with the Senator was enough to make him
run away with a hot young intern?”
“This is hard for me to say, Logan. Please hear me out.” Logan forced his way off the couch with
her. This was her time to explain it all,
and hope and pray that he listened with an open mind.
“Why would you tell me any of this?”
“Because you mean the world to me, I never
cared about anyone before. I love you so
much that I’d rather be honest now and risk losing you than start on a
lie. It’s unusual for me to be anything
other than the total bitch I am, but that’s the truth.”
“I dunno,” Logan said, trying to shake the image
of her with his Dad from his mind.
“I never felt love before.” Leila’s eyes darted to the side, staring down
at the ornately carved leg of the Chesterfield ottoman that sat in front of the
couch. “I came to Washington with one
thing in mind… to get ahead. Ambition
was my only goal. I grew up never
knowing anything at all about emotion.
My mother thinks that emotions are for bumbling characters in books or
on television. You do what you’re told
and if you’re smart you find a way to succeed.
If I wasn’t climbing the ladder to success then I was a disappointment
to my mother and myself.”
Logan stared at the floor beneath his feet, “I
guess you weren’t too particular who you stepped over as you climbed?”
Leila shook her head slowly, he was getting the
picture now, “I didn’t care, as long as I got what I wanted. Maybe it was a grade, maybe a job, and
sometimes it was just the raw nasty release of sex. Maybe I felt like I needed to be punished for
being such a failure, the pain felt good to me, it made me feel alive.”
“But my dad?
Really?”
“A U.S. Senator would be a tremendous help with
my political aspirations. But once I met
you, all my thoughts got, I dunno, confusing.”
“I confused you? Let me get this straight, between me and my
Dad, I am the one who confused you?”
Logan’s sarcasm was hard to miss.
“I never felt this feeling, ever. Not once in my life did anyone want to just
be with me. It was always what they
could get from me. Look, I’m embarrassed
and completely understand if you never want to see me again.”
“Never want to see you? What?”
“You couldn’t possibly want to be with me now.”
“Leila, I love you. I can’t describe the feelings I have when I
think about you, when I’m with you. It’s
something I never felt before either.
“Logan, I had a BDSM relationship with your
Dad.” Her head hung low in shame.
His eyes were flashing warning signs. “When exactly did you have time for an
affair? We’ve only been together a few
weeks?”
Leila shook her head strongly, “No it started
before… and then during. I ended
it.” She really didn’t have words for
this. “Before um… I met you; I was into
some serious domination stuff. It always
filled the emptiness in my soul. Your
Dad is into it big time… we sort of fell together I guess. I thought if I screwed him that I’d get where
I needed to get faster. Screwing my way
to the top so to speak, only in this case it was more like whipping my way to
the top.”
“Oh God Leila,” Logan sat back down on the
sofa, a sizable way from her this time she noticed with impending gloom.
“Look Logan, I’m going to tell you how it
is. This was the only thing I knew, I’d
never experienced anything remotely like love before I met you. All I had was this body, my looks and a giant
Logan sized void in my heart. The Dom
stuff filled that void temporarily, made me forget the pain of being
unloved. My mother flat out told me that
she never even wanted me, my father was dead, and I had no one my entire life. I hate to admit it, but I learned to use what
I had on hand to get me places. Even
when I met you it took me a long time to understand what I was feeling. No one had shown me love before, not one
single person in my entire life.”
Leila’s tears streamed down her face, she bent over and wiped them on
the hem of her shirt noisily.
“And for some irrational reason you thought
you’d find love with my father? I
could’ve told you that was a waste of time,” he muttered.
“No, but if I was going to make anything out of
myself I had to wear short skirts, flash some legs and boobs, and do what I had
to do. Nothing in my plans included
love… or you.”
“What about now, Leila? Do they include me now?” Logan’s anger was
seeping from every pore. Leila couldn’t
blame him for being furious, but what?
Was there a chance he still wanted her?
She shook her head with a hint of hope in her
eyes, “Logan, if you’ll still have me then, I promise you that my plans will no
longer include anyone but you.” It was a
shot in the dark, but she needed him to know that she still wanted him. She wanted him more than she’d ever wanted
anything. Leila slid off the sofa onto
the floor in front of him. She was on
her knees between his thighs. Pulling
his hands away from his face she looked into his eyes, “Logan, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you when it all started, and I
was doing the only thing I knew how to do.
I’m begging you Logan, please forgive me? Please tell me that we can get past this?”
Logan’s eyes stared into her crystal blue orbs;
he could tell she was shaken to her core.
It must have been the hardest thing she’d ever had to do to tell him
this. Rationally he knew that it was an
incredible sign of respect that she’d even told him at all. Most of the girls he knew would’ve lied,
broken up with him, or just not told him at all. Then one day someone would come along and say
‘Hey dude, I fucked your girlfriend.’
No, Leila had taken the bull by the horns and had come out with it, as
nasty as it was. “Did you fuck him
Leila?”
Again her head searched the floor below them;
she was still on her knees, “Once, and yes he wore a condom.”
Logan nodded miserably, “Leila, I wasn’t
kidding when I said that I love you. I
want to marry you one day, have blonde babies that look just like you. But this is pretty earth shattering news; can
we just try not to talk about it? Maybe
see if I can get the image out of my mind?
Right now I feel like throwing up.
This makes me physically ill.”
She took his hands in hers and examined them
finger by finger, “I’ll do anything you want if you say you there’s even a
prayer in heaven that you’ll forgive me.”
She studied his eyes for a glimmer of hope.
He leaned down and pulled her into his lap
holding her close to his chest, “I bought you a boat.”
Leila tilted her face to look at him, she
didn’t understand. “What?”
“I bought you a boat. It was what my Dad gave my Mom as an
engagement present. I wanted to give you
one. I know you don’t sail, but I thought
I could teach you,” Logan mulled. There
was so little either of them could say right now that would make any difference
in the way they felt.
“Most people give rings, but a boat is a nice
sentiment too, I guess…” Leila smiled through the streams of tears still
rolling down her face. It was the
glimmer of hope she needed. He pecked
her lightly on the lips and put his head on her shoulder and cried.
She wiped the tears from his face, astounded at
how much each tear ripped a part of her soul from her body. “Logan, I love you,” she whispered kissing
his face and neck.
Her kisses roused him; finally he raised his
face and met her eyes in deadlock, “this is so messed up Leila. I can fix this, I think… no I know I
can. Come on, let’s go upstairs and wash
his filthy hands off of you. Let me help
you?”
Streaks of tears ran down Leila’s face, “please
Logan.” She was begging him to take her,
punish her for what she’d done, make it hurt.
He could see it in her eyes, she needed it. Logan knew without a doubt that he could turn
this around. If she could trust him he would
show her. Prove to her once and for all
that she deserved his love. His kind of
love didn’t require pain. Fuck his Dad,
that bastard wouldn’t know love if he tripped over it. How dare he hurt the woman he loved like
this! Now Logan had to show her what
giving yourself to a man who was in love with you was all about. It would be easy to teach her love; Logan had
so much of it for her. He couldn’t deny
he was interested in being taught what she enjoyed too. That whips and chains stuff she said she was
into…maybe even that wickedness could be done with love?
Whatever she needed he was willing to do. “Come on Leila, I want his scum eating germs
off you right now!” He pulled her from
her knees and up the rustic stairwell into his bathroom.
